Ten days until the guess date…which means I’ve gone nearly ten months carrying a baby. And while it seems like such a short time in the extent of a lifetime, the description of these final weeks feeling like an eternity is pretty accurate. Fifteen days ago I had more contractions and pain than I’m in right now. How does that make sense? I probably spend too much time sitting, but extended time on my feet tires me out faster than I’d like.
I’ve been given too many opportunities to think. My hopes and dreams of having lovely long nails because of these prenatal vitamins, now just a fleeting thought. I suppose that’s the anxiety creeping in. One day I’m full of energy, the next I’d rather curl up on the couch and pretend the world stopped spinning for a day. My journal has been my therapist, shedding the negativity and fear from my mind, reminding myself that God is in full control and he loves me more than I understand.
Yesterday, I opened my Bible up to Romans 5 and my eyes floated over the passage about perseverance and patience. You see, I don’t want to wait until January 6, 2018 to have this baby. I’d rather get through the pain now. I’d rather have something to do now. As with most things in my life, I feel like I’ve waited long enough. It’s time to move on to the next thing. I’m bored.
Paul writes (as translated in The Message):
…patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling short-changed. Quite the contrary – we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours out into our lives through the Holy Spirit.
And then goes on to say, “Christ arrives right on time…”
Seasons of waiting, whatever they may be, keep me expectant for God to move. If I’m not seeing it now, well, I have to believe that, because of God’s ultimate goodness, it’s going to show up right on time. Just because God doesn’t adhere to my timetable doesn’t mean He doesn’t love me or isn’t listening to me. It shows me that my ultimate desire is to get what I want when I want it, not to surrender to something even better that He has waiting.
(PS, my friend Meredith Knox preached a dang good message on this very subject a few weeks ago. Check it out here.)
Patience forges integrity. It makes us stronger and makes us more aware of what God might be up to. Patience allows us to calm our heart and mind. To breathe in God’s goodness, to realign our focus. Most of the time, we realize later on that, yes, indeed God came through right on time. We thought it needed to be earlier, but actually, He knew better.
This is a truth I’m constantly reminding myself of in these moments where I’m bored and anxious and determined to have it happen my way. God arrives right on time. And this waiting isn’t just wasted hours. It’s making me stronger and opening my spiritual eyes to things I may have not noticed before. It’s tuning me into what God is up to: a sweet and truly incomprehensible miracle.
Ten days…or more…or less. God only knows.