God never ceases to amaze me (or make me think). Oddly enough, I’m very appreciative that He doesn’t always give us flashing neon signs of confirmation. If He did, we would have no reason to build any kind of relationship with a Father who loves us without condition. Instead, He allows us to search until we are blown away by the simplest of answers, or awed by the vastness of His creation. He lends us moments to fall for Him a little deeper when we open the pages of His word to find a love letter written thousands of years ago which somehow speaks directly to our heart today.
My life is again over-scheduled. No activity is bad, but I am feeling the pressure of not being able to really get in my QT with the Big Guy. In fact, my overactive mind has kept me from sleep. I wonder too much about the future and wrestle with decisions I have to make, but ironically have very little control of. I never let things be. Yes, God made me a planner, but He’s trying to teach me that the outcome of all my planning has a very minimal impact on the universe: ultimately and entirely controlled by Him. My job is to be surrendered.
As I sat at my favorite little Charleston coffee shop reading that very letter, the words came alive. I’m reading through Psalm 119 right now and I was reminded how precious the word of the Lord is. It is only in Him and through Him that I’m sustained. It is only in Him and through Him that I have any purpose whatsoever. So why am I so afraid of the future when I should know to the depths of my soul that He has the best in mind for me?
And then He made me laugh.
I turned to my next “daily reading” and was absolutely blown away about everything Proverbs 16 had to tell me. The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
In short, God isn’t stupid. He isn’t far off somewhere in a distant corner of a galaxy too remote to ever discover. He is intimately involved in every piece of each of our lives. He listens. He loves. He protects. His word is life. The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
I can be as prepared as possible for tomorrow and something will still happen to throw it off. Over and over this week, God is making it so ridiculously clear that, no matter what the end might be, He loves us despite it. It’s not about the destination so much as it is the journey. The destination is clear for me: one day, my life will be over. So why not let God plan the rest? Since my goal is really to be with Him anyway, why don’t I surrender now to make the adventure all the more exciting?
Between 1 and 3am last night, I spent some time pondering the vastness of God. I stationed myself on the pier at Waterfront park and looked into the sky. Completely overwhelmed with the fact that God holds the entire universe in His hand, He reminded me that in His greatness, He still knows the very DNA of my being. If this is true, I must have no argument in trusting Him with my whole life. And with the help of a good friend, I came to realize that all this control is just a wall I build up to protect myself from disappointment and hurt. But God says He will never let us go.
So I may as well stand at the edge of the cliff, close my eyes, take a deep breath and wait for the moment God says jump. Joy is found taking the risk despite the uncertainty. Joy is tearing up my map, moving to the passenger’s seat, and rolling down the window to take in the view while someone with far better experience navigates the way.
I want to let go.
And so I will.