Two Years Ago Today…

…my mom left me in Charleston, South Carolina.  I remember feeling alone, but incredibly excited.  She headed back to Seattle; I stayed to live my dream.

The last two years have been anything but easy.  They began with a supernatural faith.  I remember those days where I literally needed God for every breath I took.  However, disappointment gave way to complacency, and I soon lost focus of my purpose and my passion.  Those were dark days.  But after treading water in the middle of an ocean of uncertainty, almost drowning in the currents of lies the enemy convinced me were true, I saw the lifeboat.  God picked me up, wrapped my shivering, ashamed substance in a warm blanket and told me everything would be alright.  Two years ago, today, I never could have imagined sitting where I am…but I’m so grateful my life didn’t go according to my plan.

Let’s talk about that for a minute: the plan.  We think of life as a straight shot.  We are linear-thinking people.  We have a beginning and we have an end.  Roads start you at one point and get you to your destination.  The journey is seemingly a single direction.  A few years ago, a friend shared with me how he felt the Lord had revealed to him a greater picture of destiny.  In our human way of thinking, if we mess up “along the way” we feel like we have to take another route…like the destination is somehow now unavailable to us, or that we have to pick a different end point because the current mission was aborted by our failure.  However, God sees it far different.  My friend reminded me that God is not confined to our time and our space.  He is omniscient (all knowing) and omnipresent (everywhere at the same time).  He sees everything that has happened, that will happen, but also everything that could happen.  He sees all the options.  Every 4D direction…there are an unlimited number of combinations of series of events that will lead you to your “final destination.”

There is only plan A with God.  Not because you can’t make mistakes, but because He already saw it coming.

I know as finite human beings, that is a difficult concept for us to grasp, but we have to try…for our personal freedom and our own sanity.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a life changing moment I had.  Being part of New Spring Church has radically changed my perspective.  And their passion for God and His plan is inspiring.  Our worship leader, Lee McDerment shared his own personal story about the defining moment when God challenged him to let his own dream die and allow God’s dream to become his own.  It brought  me to my knees.  You can check it out in the blog he just recently wrote.  I think the last two months have caused me to reflect on how amazing and relieving it is to have God’s dream before you.  It is painful; boy is it painful to lay down something you keep so close to your heart.  My hope was in my future…and not in the Lord.

As I always talk about, God is after our heart!  Not our dreams, not our money…because all of those things involve our focus.  And that focus needs to be on Him.  Abraham was promised a son and descendants that would number the stars.  He took matters into his own hands (See Genesis 16) – a diversion from the plan.  But God didn’t give up on the vision for Abraham’s life even though Abraham & Sarah seemingly screwed it up.  God proved faithful with the birth of Isaac and I’m sure Abraham halfway kicked himself because God did come through.  Yet, in another test, I think God wanted to see the condition of Abraham’s heart this time around.  Now that he had “the dream,” God told him to sacrifice it (See Genesis 22).  Would he do it?  God provided once; He will provide again.

Hebrews 11:17-19 recalls, “By faith, Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac; and he who had received the promises was offering his only son; it was he to whom it was said, ‘In Isaac your descendants shall be called.’ He considered that God is able to raise men even from the dead; from which he also received him back as a type.”

This was God’s dream all along – this ultimate surrender.  Abraham became the father of the faith…and I believe the father of faith.  Jesus in his ministry, his death and his resurrection all speak to God’s dream and the impossible.  Followers of Jesus thought things had ended when He was placed upon that cross.  All their hopes and dreams of a new kingdom were gone, but God saw the way of salvation for all mankind.  We have to let our dreams die, so we can take hold of the depth and breadth of His.

Two years ago, my focus was on making a record, meeting the right people and pretty much starting my journey to musical fame.  And here I am two years later, surrendering it all.  It feels like a piece of my heart is being ripped out of my chest at times, but although I can’t see the end, I have to remember that God has something much more amazing in store.

Oh God, You are my God; earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon You in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live. – Ps 63:1-4

2 thoughts on “Two Years Ago Today…

  1. Well, that spoke to the entirety if my life’s position currently. One thing the Lord is speaking to me….He keeps whispering Psalm 23 in my mind and what I keep hearing is this: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil. Your rod and your staff comfort me.” That even when my dreams and desires seem dead–he is there. I thought this was strangely wonderful and yet challenging to read. I needed to be reminded. Thank you friend!


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