It has been an incredible day. I mean, I’ve always liked Sundays, but the more I settle into the place I know I’m supposed to be, the more I love them. The other day, I posted a Tweet about the past seven days being life changing for me. I guess sometimes you go so long sitting, almost stuck in one place you don’t even see the bigger picture of possibility. However, it can take one word from someone…well, from God, really…to turn that all around.
I don’t know how in depth I want to get about what the Lord is speaking to me right now, but it does have to do with my future and certain things I feel persuaded to release to Him. The biggest question I have to answer right now is whose dream am I pursuing? I know we have many varying opinions within church culture about destiny and the call of God on a person’s life. As you may know, if you’ve somewhat kept up with my blog, my biggest struggles lie in knowing whether or not I’m making the right decision. Much of this comes from a lack of trust in God and His ultimate plan.
You see, we are raised in a society that, in general, loves success. I think I fooled myself for a very long time in thinking it’s something I didn’t want. To be honest, I was bathing in false humility. I became consumed by my own name, my own dream, my own way. We are taught that success is recognition, fame, money, status. We are taught that this is the ultimate achievement. The problem with our idea of success is its inherent selfishness. Most of our world cannot see success as anything corporate. We are individual winners, making it our job to find the I and ME in team.
I know I’m making hasty generalizations here, but I can’t continue without establishing such a definition. Because what God has been speaking to me goes directly against this mindset and wouldn’t make sense to many people. His idea of success on an entirely different plane than ours. Success to God is His kids coming home and being obedient to what He asks them to do. Success is leaving the 99 who know about Him to find the 1 who doesn’t. Success doesn’t bring me glory; instead, it is how I give Glory to Him.
You all know I’m an artist. I write songs and play instruments and sing. In the entertainment industry, reaching the level of someone like, say, Taylor Swift, could define success. World tours, millions of fans, millions of records, multiple Number One singles, over saturation in the market…name everywhere. I said I could care less about all of that, but I swear you’re lying to me if, as an artist, you don’t, at some point in your life, want to see your face on every music magazine in existence. Because I wanted that…secretly…but still wanted it.
In the past week or so I started thinking, what the hell is that going to do for anyone else? Yes…I thought it just like that. Sure, a song has the ability to go to the depths of a person’s heart, but if that’s the main goal, why should I allow all of the other stuff to get in the way? How is my name going to save anyone? It won’t. I was so so so wrong.
You know, I look at people with amazing success in our world, and yes, their life achievements have inspired people to greater things. But when they die, they aren’t taking that recognition with them. Sure, future generations might remember their names, or the songs they sang, or the medical discoveries they made, but all of that turns to dust when our bodies return to the ground.
Although these aren’t bad things, I feel convicted to turn my focus on something that lasts. Some might call it giving up. Others might say it’s an easy way out. But God’s ways are so much different then our own. This will be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I had a dream…and now that dream must die. Because it would have died with me anyway. It’s time to return my focus on something that will never fail me, never disappoint me, never destroy me. I’ll leave it up to God to restore whatever it is that He will. But until then, I have to do all I can to live by His definition of success and not my own.
After reading this, some of you might wonder when I started taking the religious pills, but that’s not it at all. This conviction isn’t out of feeling like I’m not doing enough for the church or for God. It’s more about how I wanted to glorify myself and ignore what He’s been telling me for a very long time. Chasing the world has left me entirely empty and disappointed. I don’t have the strength to keep pursuing something that will never fulfill. We all have different choices and different convictions. This is one of mine.