Once upon a time lived a girl that could do no wrong.  She soon discovered her life was a fairy tale…because in reality, we all screw up.  Over the past several weeks, if not several months, I’ve been learning a lot about the ramifications of choices.  Do I drink, do I not drink.  Do I talk to this person, do I not talk with them.  I’ve learned about limits and pushing limits.  While many might tell me, it’s okay! you’re just growing up! I have to disagree.  Nowhere in the manual we all received at birth does it tell us we have to be stupid to learn things.

I’m not proud of some of my choices.  I’m not proud of things I’ve done and words I’ve said.  I’m not happy about the fact that I haven’t truly been living what I believe.  I think that breaks my heart the most.  I mean, for the most part, my friends know me – the good, the bad and the ugly.  But what about the people who don’t?  What kind of image am I portraying when I tell people I love Jesus and then act a certain way contrary to that belief?

I’m not talking about religion here.  You can be a “Christian” and do whatever you want.  Just because you call yourself something doesn’t mean that you’ve truly embraced that conviction.  Maybe that’s the case for some.  However, the way I view “religion” is actually as a relationship.  People who have seen me, not in the best light, might get upset because I’m supposed to act a certain way.  Yes, I definitely regard that opinion with the greatest respect, but those rules won’t necessarily change behavior.  What affects me most is knowing I’ve broken the heart of someone who loves me very much – I’ve broken the heart of my Father God.

I’m so thankful for His mercy, His grace, His forgiveness.  But I feel I’ve taken it too lightly.  I don’t feel condemnation from Him or any shame.  I just know that He doesn’t want me to make stupid choices because He loves me too much.  He sees the distruction and the end results that I don’t, and wants to protect me from that.  Thank goodness He truly has.  I want to live a life not only reflective of that love, but one where I walk in an understanding of His greatness and have more reverance for who He is…and not take that love lightly.

He died to cover all my sin…from the time I was born till they day I die.  However, knowing that doesn’t excuse me from making right choices.  There is no reletivism. He has standards and asks me to live by them.

I want to conclude with an apology.  I’m sorry for not showing you the love of God, for being so consumed in myself and my wants and desires that I’ve missed some of the best things in life.  I’m sorry for disappointing some of you, for leaving a bad impression on others.  I’m sorry that I haven’t reflected my convictions and, instead, walked a hypocritical road. In no way am I saying I’ll get it right.  However, I am saying I want to work harder, dwelling on the fact that God wants the best for me…for all of us.

So here’s to making better choices in the future, and forgiving ourselves for the poor ones of the past.

3 thoughts on “Choices

  1. There is definitely a tension we have to live in. God delights in immaturity. He actually adores it because for one, it gives him an opportunity to discipline us as CHILDREN whom He loves. It also gives us an opportunity to grow into character. Look at the life of David, dude did some really jacked up stuff… The thing with David though is that he was whole-hearted no matter what He did, and he had a revelation of immaturity rather than rebellion. Rebellion the Lord turns his face from, but immaturity the Lord uses as a proving ground to continually discipline us and prune us with love. The key is whole-heartedness and not being afraid to go to the inconvenient places with the Lord that He brings up so that we can truly grow. Let me tell you, without character, growth and the blessing of God’s discipline through immaturity, we have NO grid or ability to “portray Christianity” or as you put it, “act a certain way”. All efforts will be shallow because at that point, it isn’t truly Christ living through us. Character is actually the deposit of Jesus within us, and as long as we primarily receive love from Him, the deposit of His love will empower us to love him back, then love everyone else, the correct way. We aren’t anywhere near perfect, but Jesus is! We just have to give up! Praying for you Bridget, you are faithful and the Lord loves your heart.


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