Getting It Out

I’m a girl. I’m a girl with a dream that sometimes wishes she didn’t dream. I moved to follow the dream. I didn’t come for a man or to ride on the heels of someone else’s hard-earned success. I came to learn, to observe, to try and make something out of nothing. I’m not a prodigy…I don’t even think I’m that amazing. Too often I listen to lies that say I can’t…when in all actuality there are people with half the talent (but far more drive) who do it.
So I go back and forth, judging myself…giving myself ulcers because I can’t deal with the stress of life mixed with the stress of pursuit. I compare what I haven’t done, how old I am, what’s holding me back…and it’s safe to say, I just want to start over. There are days I wish I didn’t know what I know. There are days I wish I didn’t know who I know. There are moments I wish I had another dream…like to be a doctor or politician.

I’m tired.
I still feel alone.
I still feel like a failure.
And I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

So does anyone really care? It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and with an attitude like I have at the moment, I’d definitely get eaten…chewed up and spit out…because I can’t even believe in myself, so how or why is anyone else supposed to?

What am I doing?
I have to either step it up or throw it out.

Done.

PS – I’m sorry I’m not being very positive right now. And please don’t write some “oh Bridget you’re amazing” comments…because words are words. I need a game plan. So if you have one of those, let me know.

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One thought on “Getting It Out

  1. Bridg,
    I read this blog entry and I’ll be up front – I Don’t Have A Game Plan. This entry could’ve been right out of my diary/journal when I made my big move into the world to pursue my dream at 24yo. I identify with the emotions. I am not going to tell you how to feel because I know what it feels like to literally ache like someone punched you in the gut because you feel so alone. And I’m not going to quote scriptures at you to solve your problems, although I believe that the Word of God is a balm to our souls. And I’m not going to say that you’re amazing, although I do believe that you are. Not just because you can sing or play multiple instruments, or be a great listener, or an awesome worship leader, or write amazingly raw beautiful love songs to your savior, or sing the words of your soul . . . I think you’re amazing for pursuing your dream.

    Anybody can sit and dream about what they want to do with their life. The world is full of people who sit on the sidelines of life and judge those who dared to dive in . . . Shoud’ve, Would’ve, Could’ve . . .

    I Care. I hope you heard that all the way from Seattle. And I believe in you, but I believe so much more in the Creator of the Universe, who has the perfect game plan for you. You’re a very brave young woman and so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Even if you don’t want to be strong anymore.

    Try to cut yourself some slack, be gracious and tender toward yourself, especially since you are sick. Remember that TASA is not the best time to make a decision. My prayer is that you will intimately know how proud your Father in heaven is of you and how His heart is toward you regardless of your perception of your success or lack of it.

    P.S. I hope that this doesn’t sound like one of Job’s friends . . .

    Much love to you,
    Amy

    Like

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