Not Who I Thought I Was 24 Hours Ago…

This morning the sun is squinting through the cafe windows of Single Smile where I sit. I planned not to do anything today but utilize time off to settle into my new age. Twenty-four. However, if you know me well enough, I really can’t do nothing.
Last night, with the help of Neil and Amy, I determined I have now hit my “mid-twenties” which is a little scary. To be quite honest, I thought my life would look far different right now. It seems like only weeks ago I began writing the lyrics to “Other Side” with four months into my 23rd year…never realizing I would actually work up the faith to get where I am right now. I look back a year ago and remember all the things I prayed for, especially friendships I prayed for who became people I currently have incredible relationship with…it blows me away.
As a Celtic rendition of Amazing Grace plays over the speakers, I realize how blessed I am right now. You know, I’m in more debt than I care to admit, I’m thousands of miles from home, but I see the grace of God in so many little things. No, making the first record isn’t happening as quickly as I would like. Agents aren’t calling me, I don’t have tours to play yet…but I’m realizing more and more what life is really about.


This month, I’ve been very convicted that I haven’t tapped into my Source as much as I should. It’s reflected in the times I hold up in my room in tears. It’s reflected in my attitude toward circumstances. It’s reflected in the amount of gratitude I show. When I’m “plugged in” (if you’re from VFF back home, my mental picture goes to PC throwing his arms up like a robot), despite the tumult of life swirling around me, other people become priority.
I spend far too many hours with me in mind. Granted, we can’t negate the reality of our circumstances sometimes, but we can choose where to place our focus. Though I’ve talked about this before, I will say it again, my life will not have meaning because of the things I do. At the end of my days when I find myself before God, He’s not going to congratulate me on the number of people who came to shows, or the hit records I have (if that’s ever the case). He’s going to recount the people I served…and how my life reflected His Son in the process.
Not to get all spiritual on you, but it’s truth.
A month ago the opposite was my mode of operation. I became so selfish, only worried bout how I was going to accomplish all the things I promised myself I would do. And yes, I still know that music is my calling…but if that’s all I focus on, I will miss the most important part of life: the people in it.
I know 24 is going to be an amazing year. I know God has incredible things in store…the adventure has just begun. However, it’s my prayer that I don’t miss the beauty of life while on the adventure. I pray that I see the little moments of grace, let the eyes of the broken break my heart, reach out my hand to the fallen on the side of the road, stand when everyone sits. And if I never play for thousands, my life will mean more than if I only had.

I think He’s raising the dead in me…I’m not copping out.
-thank you Switchfoot

One thought on “Not Who I Thought I Was 24 Hours Ago…

  1. Love your writings I hope you are saving them in a folder you just amaze me at your capacity to think things thru as difficult as they seem at the time….
    Very proud of you and love you a lot Gram


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