Still Fighting

This week has been a crazy (annoying) battle against insecurity. I kind of wondered if it might happen when I started sharing more about breakthrough I’ve had. Now I’m being challenged in the reality of my freedom.
I don’t mean to over-spiritualize it, but my Bible tells me that every day we battle things we can’t see with our eyes. David knew he had freedom, though many times his soul was downcast. The spiritual oppression may be over, but the enemy doesn’t really want us to maintain our freedom. So he comes at our mind with lies that we have to choose to believe or not. It really bothers me! The truth is that I am set free…and that freedom is secure. Now it’s a matter of remembering to inform my mind and my flesh of this fact.
I guess I’ll just be honest: my world is turning upside down and I started freaking out. I threw out the peace I had and was walking in a crazy, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! mentality. Talking with my dad the other day led me to realize I’m moving about the farthest I could get from my family and support system (within the continental US). It really hit me hard. I’ve also seen how freaking prideful I am…but things aren’t just going to be given to me; this will take work…and more confidence in the Lord than I obviously have right now.
So why go? Because I know I’m supposed to…I just know. It doesn’t make logical sense, but I have to move on.
I’ve found when I get insecure about myself and my circumstances I can sound a little arrogant to make up for it. If you’ve experienced that from me lately, I’m really sorry. I’m not usually like that. Again, I have to come to the realization that my only stability is in the One who never changes – the One who is my strength – the One who knows the plan!
But I’ve made myself god as I’ve tried to figure out the plan. I’ve put more faith in men and the works of men then I’ve placed in God to come through. I really had to repent upon this realization. Self-idolatry is sneaky, nasty, and hard to admit. No wonder I’ve felt so horrible lately. You get all needy too…it’s gross. It’s all revolving around the fact that I don’t trust God!
Thank the Lord that He’s merciful. I’m so thankful for His grace…to keep failing. Ugh. But in His love, He keeps stretching out His hand to help me up every time.

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