Thoughts of the Weary

Deep breath.
It may sound a little new age, but I’m trying my best to just center myself right now. To be at peace with today, at peace with every circumstance I’m in, with every new obstacle thrown in the way. I’ve still neglected to realize, even when I try to take control, ultimately, I am not. I think I’m in a perpetual state of learning…but aren’t we all, really? Try as I might, I will never understand the whys and the what-fors. The concept of life’s order is foreign, and yet we’re still called to live it.
I complain too much.
At the end of the day, I’m alive. I have a roof over my head and food in my refrigerator. I have friends and know the love of God, the One who will never leave me. Unfortunately, the unknowns bring me to my knees. How do we live life with expectation? How am I to dream big when I can’t even care for what’s in front of me? I am tired. I can’t do this anymore. I’m over-committed and lost. Funny thing is that I know God is still here. He’s right beside me right now…and I think He’s simply calling me to lean on Him through the uncertainty.
He’s given me little glimmers of hope into the future, little morsels to wet my appetite and give me a reason to dream; but then reality hits and I’m faced with the battle of letting go. Ultimately, the dreams are His and if I’m worrying, I’m not stewarding them right. Fear should not reign, nor should worry or doubt.
Which is why I’m trying my best to set my focus on today. The Lord says that tomorrow will take care of itself. Even if we plan tomorrow, life changes in the blink of an eye. I saw it first hand. One moment a man is alive, then the next, his last breath leaves his body. And maybe that’s what started it all. Everything in my world has shifted and I haven’t rightly dealt with it yet.
And God is breathing, hear I am.
But we must press on, past stress and fear, past the uncertainty and place our eyes on the Hope to which we’ve been called. For the only things I have with any consistency are the truth that God lives and that He loves you and loves me. Maybe I don’t believe it now, but that is all that can get my through today. My One Thing.

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