I’m going to be honest today and say that I haven’t spent a great deal of time with God over the last couple of weeks. I’ve been mad at Him for various reasons…only because I think I feel like He’s trying to make a fool out of me. And that’s so not true. My heart is a tricky piece of my being…it is the thing that leads me astray to the point where I find myself gasping for air because I didn’t consult my Creator, but rather the created.
By His grace, I get to a point of utter despair, longing for something more than I have in the moment. I find that to be His Spirit wooing me back to His presence. I opened to Psalm 13 this morning and read the words of David which seemed to simultaneously spill from my heart:
How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart all day?
David really blows me away because he identifies how he feels in one moment, but the next, he is reminded of the truth. If only I could reach this point to say BUT…but I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; my heart will rejoice in Your salvation. Quite frankly, nothing else will do. I have no good besides my Lord.
Turning to Psalm 16, David reminds me that “the sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied…” (verse 4) I can chase after money, fame, even relationships, but I will find that none will bring me happiness or fulfillment. I can even seek to do good, but if I am not doing good unto the Lord and others, there is no fulfillment.
These last two weeks (or longer), I have been exchanging my time and energy for worthless idols. I’ve lost sight, in the midst of my crazy life, of what it is to simply love God. I keep finding that the “doing” isn’t what makes an impact in this world; it’s the simplicity of “being.” When the Lord is continually before me, my heart will be glad…and, get this: even my flesh will dwell securely (Ps 16:9). He won’t abandon me…even when I try to run from Him, He will find me.
You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever.