Maybe…

Maybe this is out of hurt, or maybe it’s just because I fear the future.  I can’t stop thinking about those of us who are waiting.  We are beautiful young women, totally sold out to the Lord…yet somehow we feel alone.  Maybe it’s the fact that I’m listening to a sad piano balad, looking at pictures of my once close friends’ wedding…I’m only 22, but yet there’s something missing.

My friend and I were discussing this not too long ago: what is it about our lives?  Are we too bold, too passionate?  Do we terrify men and drive them away?  I look at the girls at our church and most of us are single.  Is there a reason for this?  I told the Lord that I was content just serving Him in singleness forever, but honestly, if I had the option not to be single (still serving the Lord), I’d take that.  I, and I hear this from most, am not looking for a relationship that is good for the moment; we’re not out for a feel-good experience.  I’m searching for the real deal, the 100% commitment – forever.  Maybe that’s the problem…maybe everyone I’ve met isn’t there yet.  I don’t know!  Are there any men out there who really have an answer?

I think I’m just venting…

I find myself asking God what I have to do to be ready because I feel that if I get my life straight, maybe it will happen.  The hard fact, however, is that I’ll never have my life totally straight.  Life is a learning experience and I’m never going to be perfect.  The man God created for me will never be perfect.  One of my pastors told me that I needed to embrace the moment I’m in, acknowledging that I’m a piece of work and get over it.  Because where I am, so concerned with my own inabilites, I’d probably miss “him” if he walked through the door.  But it doesn’t work that way for me.  I think so many of us feel like we’re sitting here twiddling our thumbs…maybe we feel confident in who we are, but no one else appreciates that.

Am I making any sense?

Honestly, I guess I’m sick of being alone.  I’m tired of watching all these people I went to highschool with get married…no offense, I love you.  It’s just hard.  And I know that there are beautiful women older than I am, who have waited much longer to experience all the goodness of marriage…but I still feel this way.  But I’m going to leave it at that…because the more I rant, the worse I feel.  It will all be okay in a minute, once I take my mind off of this stuff…sometimes I don’t enjoy being a girl.

B

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